YAAS! Healthy Shmealthy : Mama’s gotta lose about 15 lbs. And since almost all of the “food” available today is bad for you in some way or another I’ve turned to smoothies. Not juicing, no, I’m not that much of a douche. Smoothies. Check out some fantastic smoothie recipes via Hello Natural. Clicky Clicky.
Every decade or so the slow creep continues. When I turned 13 I expanded significantly. Blame that on hormones. Then came 20 when I expanded again. Blamed that on drinking. I lost it both times through healthy eating and exercise, eventually settling into a healthy-for-me weight in each decade. Because let’s face it, ain’t no one 99 lbs like they were in the 6th grade.
And now the 30’s. I don’t know. Blame being in a happy relationship, career stress, easy access to sweets, or my personal favorite, my uterus’ plan to make me look pregnant even though I’m not as some form of sadistic encouragement. No matter the reasons, the result is the same. I had to buy new pants while I was on vacation. And I hate buying new clothes to fit my widening ass because I love my clothes and building a new wardrobe every time your size changes is exhausting and expensive.
SO seriously ramping up the Tracy Anderson sessions. A strict Tracy Anderson Method devotion worked for me at 26 but it doesn’t seem to be working now. Again… changes. I’ve started incorporating 3 things this time around.
1. Weight Training: Tracy has a pretty clear “no weights” policy save for little 1 pounders on your ankles but let’s be real, I’m not getting much cardio and I’m not getting any younger and muscle burns fat, supports bone health and, in my opinion, encourages a more attractive, athletic physique. The theory that women bulk up by lifting weights has been disproven about a million times so it’s time to let that go. Weights it is.
2. Balancing Yoga: That’s what I like to call it anyway. I don’t have time to go to a yoga class and I hate yoga dvds. So boring. I’m not a monk dammit I wanna moooooove. So for each Tracy Anderson movement I make it a little bit harder by adding in a balancing element. If she says put two hands on the floor, I do one. If she says support yourself while you squat, I… well… don’t.
3. Cute Crossfit: Let me explain. I’ve never been one for a traditional gym. I look like an uncooked pork sausage in spandex and I refuse to use public showers. I prefer less traditional forms of exercise like yoga and pilates. But, there is something to be said for the classics. So I’ve started incorporating just those moves that make you look better in clothing like planks, kettle bell swings, squats, and burpees.
I live my life with a lot of completely made up rules and I have a formula for everything. It takes half the total time you were with someone to get over them. The youngest person you can date is half your age plus seven years. And the average person will gain 1 lb a month without much effort and the most sustainable way to lose it is to also lose 1 lb a month. If that sobering reality doesn’t encourage you not to gain it in the first place I don’t know what will. Check back with me in July 2016. Oy.